What does Motherhood mean??

- It means letting go of former freedoms.

- It means late nights and early mornings.

- It means tending to runny noses, fevers, coughs and colds are high priority. Laundry, cleaning, Facebook and showers can wait.

- It means getting paid in hugs, kisses and smiles...and LOVING it.

- It means leading with humility...admitting mistakes, saying sorry and having respect for your children and the gifts God gave them.

- It means sacrificing your physical body, strength and energy in the name of something far more eternal.

- It means tapping into God DAILY (sometimes hourly) for patience, wisdom and understanding.

- It means less of you and more of God.

It's so hard sometimes to balance all of our different hats - you know, the "mom hat" the "wife hat" the "friend hat" the "daughter hat"...and the most important, the "disciple hat." As my husband and I wait on God in eager anticipation of where He's taking us next, I still have the responsibility to raise my children as if something potentially huge wasn't on the horizon. Will we move to PA? Will we stay in Rochester? Where will I use my gifts next? I have no idea. I'm learning about faith and trust, but on the other hand, I'm teaching faith and trust to my toddlers. Mind blowing!

I believe Tim and I are going through a refining process like never before - and I say that because I feel the burn!! It's difficult and frustrating, but I literally feel the Holy Spirit filling up the broken places. There's something stirring in the atmosphere of our home, we're gonna have a breakthrough. For the first time in almost three years, I see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Now it's my job to reflect this stirring to my children...as this change isn't just for Tim and me, but also for them! Right now, my "mom hat" and "disciple hat" are working together, and I'm so thankful for that!!

Precious Human Life

The latest news about Planned Parenthood's new abortion clinic breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. It's so unfair. So many lives are going to be shattered by the opening of this clinic. The rest of this blog I'm going to write, even though I don't want to. And even though I'll probably cry my eyes out the entire time.

This past September, my husband and I walked down a road that NO parent should ever have to experience. I was 12 weeks pregnant when an ultrasound showed that our baby #3's heart had stopped beating. Seeing the lifeless body of our baby on the monitor was the worst moment of my entire life - and I say that with utmost confidence.

Now, science will tell you that an embryo or a fetus is not a baby, or "viable" until around the 3rd trimester. But I will tell you - that 12 week old fetus was a baby. She was MY baby.

She was MY BABY GIRL who I never got to hold. Never got to kiss. Never got to count her tiny toes. Never got to feed. Never got to change. Never saw her sweet smile. Never heard her say "Momma!" Never taught her how to walk. Never slipped the first pair of sneakers on her feet. Never got to take her out for ice cream. Never got to say goodbye to.

She was taken from me while she was still inside me. And I've had such a pain in my heart since that day, that sometimes it's unbearable. Sometimes all I can think about is what she would've been like, looked like, sounded like. I would've been 29 weeks pregnant today, what would that have been like?

You mean to tell me just because she couldn't survive without being inside me she wasn't my baby!?! Are you nuts?!?! The moment that my DNA fused with my husbands DNA a creation erupted! And it formed a brain and a spinal column, and a head and a body, and microscopic organs. Itty bitty arms and legs appeared, followed by itty bitty hands and feet. Her eyes, that she never used to see her older brother and sister formed. And he ears that never heard me say that I love her (and I did...and I still do) began to form too. And this was all before she was deemed "viable."

Take that, science.

I've never been angry at God - not once -because his plan has ultimately unfolded and I learned SOO much through the whole process. What did I learn??

• grace.
• peace during chaos.
• courage.
• and how truly important human life is.

Do you think the women who walk into abortion clinics all over the country don't feel this way too? I bet they do.

Subtle Provision and S'mores bars

I wanna talk about God's subtle provision. First, lemme give you some insight - I grew up in Fairless Hills, PA (about 10mins outside the city limits of Philadelphia and about 25 mins outside of Center City) and it had always been my home. When we got married and I had to move to South Jersey, I was DEVASTATED that I was gonna be a whole hour away! However, a year into our marriage, we were packing up to move to Rochester, NY - which was beyond a doubt God's will because it was something I swore I would NEVER EVER do!! I had gone to college up there and hated every minute of the cold and snow.

Then, on one super hot June day, Tim drove the moving van, and I drove our little car, with a then 7 month old Addisyn in the back and PJ still in my belly. I cried...no, balled my eyes out... every single mile of the way, begging the Lord to change his mind and let me turn around and go "home". He didn't and I was obedient.

We've now been in Rochester for a year and a half, and let me tell you - it's really not so bad. I still hate the snow and ice and I still get homesick pangs every now and then, but we're surrounded by subtle provisions. I was Facebook messaging back and forth with a friend of mine the other day and she brought that to my attention.

So what are these subtle provisions? We are surrounded by young couples (24-28 yrs old), just like us, who have children. I can't tell you how difficult it is sometimes to be 24 years old, married with two kids...i still feel like a kid myself sometimes!! Obviously my husband and I didn't plan on having a family this young - but we've embraced it and now the Lord has brought us to a place where we see we're not alone! And not even that we're not alone, but these couples are making a life for themselves and their families - such a wonderful example for us! This might seem silly to some - but we NEEDED that.

It's brought us closer as a couple. It's knitted our little family of four together so tight. And it's taught me how to stand on my own two feet and not rely on my "comfortable surroundings." Tim and I have grown up and grown closer over the last 1 1/2 years - and that would not have happened in Philly.

(*sidenote: the Lord has heard my prayers to move back to PA and dig our roots deep down there, and it seems he's opened a door. Tim has applied for a transfer within his company down to Bensalem, PA which is about 10 mins from where I grew up. We will know it's His will if some things fall into place, so please join us as we pray and wait on God.)

What are the subtle provisions in your life? Where has God met you in your place of desperation?

In closing - here's a recipe for yummy, easy, s'mores bars!! We had a quick date night at the Spot a few weeks ago and they were selling these for $2.50/bar!! I thought to myself "ripoff...I could MAKE these!!" And so I did...

you'll need:

3 tbsp butter

1 bag of mini marshmallows

6 cups Golden Grahams cereal

1 cup milk chocolate chips

- melt butter in a medium saucepan on med/high heat. Meanwhile, grease a 13x9 brownie pan.

- once butter is completely melted, add 3 cups of the marshmallow's and stir continually until completely melted. Remove from heat and immediately add cereal and 1/2 cup of the chocolate chips. Then add the remaining marshmallows (so there are a few whole ones in there too.)

- Spread warm mixture into the brownie pan. Sprinkle the remaining chocolate chips on top and press them into the mixture so they stick. Let 'em cool and serve!! So yummy!!

So let go, Jump in

Well, here we are. I did it. I jumped on the blogging bandwagon. I'm not gonna lie - I've thought about doing this before but the "what ifs" got in the way. You know - "what if no one reads it?" "what if I don't have time for it?" "what if I suck at it?" etc...

I don't care if no one reads this. I don't care if I only blog once a month or less. I don't care if I suck at it. It's an outlet...and I'm sure SOMEBODY will be interested, even if it's only my Momma (you will quickly come to realize that I very rarely refer to my mother anyway other than "Momma").

Anyway, I'll blog about things like...

• my day as a S@HM (stay-at-home-mom, for future reference) because they're never boring.
• what the Hubster and I enjoy doing, excluding our sex life...sorry.
• what the Lord puts on my heart, because I'm a follower of Christ and in being such, I'm his hands, feet, mouth, and heart here on Earth.
• recipes, because I love to cook/bake. It's my hobby - no seriously. Don't laugh at me.
• health, because living healthy is another passion of mine. (for an even better blog about health, see my friend Crystal's blog. It's EXCELLENT!!)
• and if I ever get a spectacular camera, I'll photo blog too! yay!

So where did I get the ridiculous name for this blog from?? The song "Let Go" by Frou Frou. Definitely, absolutely, hands down one of my favorite songs - listen to it. Check the lyrics too - preeeeeetty awesome!! In fact, the title of this entry is also a line in the song.

In closing - let's all laugh more!!! It's the best medicine!!!!