This past September, my husband and I walked down a road that NO parent should ever have to experience. I was 12 weeks pregnant when an ultrasound showed that our baby #3's heart had stopped beating. Seeing the lifeless body of our baby on the monitor was the worst moment of my entire life - and I say that with utmost confidence.
Now, science will tell you that an embryo or a fetus is not a baby, or "viable" until around the 3rd trimester. But I will tell you - that 12 week old fetus was a baby. She was MY baby.
She was MY BABY GIRL who I never got to hold. Never got to kiss. Never got to count her tiny toes. Never got to feed. Never got to change. Never saw her sweet smile. Never heard her say "Momma!" Never taught her how to walk. Never slipped the first pair of sneakers on her feet. Never got to take her out for ice cream. Never got to say goodbye to.
She was taken from me while she was still inside me. And I've had such a pain in my heart since that day, that sometimes it's unbearable. Sometimes all I can think about is what she would've been like, looked like, sounded like. I would've been 29 weeks pregnant today, what would that have been like?
You mean to tell me just because she couldn't survive without being inside me she wasn't my baby!?! Are you nuts?!?! The moment that my DNA fused with my husbands DNA a creation erupted! And it formed a brain and a spinal column, and a head and a body, and microscopic organs. Itty bitty arms and legs appeared, followed by itty bitty hands and feet. Her eyes, that she never used to see her older brother and sister formed. And he ears that never heard me say that I love her (and I did...and I still do) began to form too. And this was all before she was deemed "viable."
Take that, science.
I've never been angry at God - not once -because his plan has ultimately unfolded and I learned SOO much through the whole process. What did I learn??
- grace.
- peace during chaos.
- courage.
- and how truly important human life is.
My heart breaks for those women who feel they have no other alternative. My prayer remains continued for these women: That God would bring someone to speak into their life, That they would realize they do have options!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you had to experience this Michelle. It is definately nothing I would wish on my worst enemy. The ache in our heart will remain forever, despite the years that pass. But we remember them, and know that one day we will get to rock them in heaven!!
Very impacting Michele! Your story does proof that life begins at conception! Its sad to see such a large facility built here in the United States. It's second largest in the world (the largest is in China). And you're right, most women who have an abortion know deep down that their baby was real (even though docs try to convince otherwise). Abortion hurts women. Just as you needed time to grieve and allow God to heal you over your loss baby, so do those women who have lost their baby to the scurge of abortion. i was touched as I read your story. I hope it touches others and maybe even help someone make a decision for life in a crisis situation.
ReplyDeleteMichele-I am so saddened to hear your heart, But I know God if faithful and is walking through this with you. I too beilieve that LIFE starts at conception, and that each child has a purpose from the day it is formed. It breaks my heart to hear people talking about a "fetus" and not a baby. I hate they way clinics are run, a friend of mine works for a pregnancy clinic, however it is christian run and promotes LIFE. They just so happened to purchase the building where an abortion clinic used to be and alot of women don't know they are no longer Gynacare, and they are now Pro-life. My friend said that when a woman goes to an abortion clinic they show the woman very distorted pics that look nothing like a develpoing baby, and they refuse to tell them the heart is beating, and many organs are formed. She said they also never tell the woman how the years after an abortion will affect her life. It's such a tradgedy the things that are considered medical proceedures which should be considered life. Kyle (who I' sure you know is a police officer) told me that if a woman is carrying a baby no matter how many weeks and is involved in a fatal car accident and it kills her and the baby the person who caused the accident will be charged with (2) counts of Manslaughter, but it's not considered manslaughter when the Dr. performs it ?????
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post baby.
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